From http://deletionpedia.dbatley.com/w/index.php?title=List_of_The_Simpsons_chalkboard_gags_(deleted_22_May_2008_at_14:20)
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 1 | December 17, 1989 | no gag | Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire |
| 2 | January 14, 1990 | I will not waste chalk | Bart the Genius |
| 3 | January 21, 1990 | I will not skateboard in the halls | Homer's Odyssey |
| 4 | January 28, 1990 | I will not burp in class | There's No Disgrace Like Home |
| 5 | February 4, 1990 | no gag | Bart the General |
| 6 | February 11, 1990 | I will not instigate revolution (a reference to the previous episode, in which Bart trains an army of kids to fight a bully) | Moaning Lisa |
| 7 | February 18, 1990 | I will not draw naked ladies in class | Call of the Simpsons |
| 8 | February 25, 1990 | I did not see Elvis | The Telltale Head |
| 9 | March 18, 1990 | no gag | Life on the Fast Lane |
| 10 | March 25, 1990 | I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" | Homer's Night Out |
| 11 | April 15, 1990 | Garlic gum is not funny | The Crepes of Wrath |
| 12 | April 29, 1990 | They are laughing at me, not with me | Krusty Gets Busted |
| 13 | May 13, 1990 | I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom (a reference to shouting fire in a crowded theater) | Some Enchanted Evening |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 14 | October 11, 1990 | I will not encourage others to fly (And during the episode: I will not fake my way through life) | Bart Gets an F |
| 15 | October 18, 1990 | Tar is not a plaything | Simpson and Delilah |
| 16 | October 25, 1990 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror |
| 17 | November 1, 1990 | I will not Xerox my butt (Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 25, 1992 rerun - "It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'") | Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish |
| 18 | November 8, 1990 | I will not trade pants with others | Dancin' Homer |
| 19 | November 15, 1990 | I am not a 32 year old woman (though at the time, the voice of Bart, Nancy Cartwright, was) | Dead Putting Society |
| 20 | November 22, 1990 | I will not do that thing with my tongue | Bart vs. Thanksgiving |
| 21 | December 6, 1990 | I will not drive the principal's car | Bart the Daredevil |
| 22 | December 20, 1990 | I will not pledge allegiance to Bart | Itchy & Scratchy & Marge |
| 23 | January 10, 1991 | I will not sell school property | Bart Gets Hit by a Car |
| 24 | January 24, 1991 | I will not cut corners (This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.) | One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish |
| 25 | January 31, 1991 | I will not get very far with this attitude | The Way We Was |
| 26 | February 7, 1991 | I will not make flatulent noises in class | Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment |
| 27 | February 14, 1991 | I will not belch the national anthem | Principal Charming |
| 28 | February 21, 1991 | I will not sell land in Florida | Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? |
| 29 | March 7, 1991 | I will not sell school property | Bart's Dog Gets an F |
| 30 | March 28, 1991 | I will not grease the monkey bars | Old Money |
| 31 | April 11, 1991 | I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment | Brush with Greatness |
| 32 | April 25, 1991 | no gag | Lisa's Substitute |
| 33 | May 2, 1991 | I will not do anything bad ever again | The War of the Simpsons |
| 34 | May 9, 1991 | I will not show off (This was written in Blackletter.) | Three Men and a Comic Book |
| 35 | July 11, 1991 | I will not sleep through my education | Blood Feud |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 36 | September 19, 1991 | I am not a dentist | Stark Raving Dad |
| 37 | September 26, 1991 | Spitwads are not free speech | Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington |
| 38 | October 3, 1991 | Nobody likes sunburn slappers | When Flanders Failed |
| 39 | October 10, 1991 | High explosives and school don't mix (And during the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner) | Bart the Murderer |
| 40 | October 17, 1991 | I will not squeak chalk (Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.) | Homer Defined |
| 41 | October 24, 1991 | I will finish what I sta (written only once) | Like Father, Like Clown |
| 42 | October 31, 1991 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror II |
| 43 | November 7, 1991 | "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender | Lisa's Pony |
| 44 | November 14, 1991 | I will not fake rabies | Saturdays of Thunder |
| 45 | November 21, 1991 | Underwear should be worn on the inside | Flaming Moe's |
| 46 | December 5, 1991 | The Christmas Pageant does not stink | Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk |
| 47 | December 26, 1991 | I will not torment the emotionally frail | I Married Marge |
| 48 | January 9, 1992 | I will not carve gods | Radio Bart |
| 49 | January 23, 1992 | no gag | Lisa the Greek |
| 50 | February 6, 1992 | I will not spank others | Homer Alone |
| 51 | February 13, 1992 | no gag | Bart the Lover |
| 52 | February 20, 1992 | I will not aim for the head (In this episode, a major character was hit in the head by a pitch during a baseball game.) | Homer at the Bat |
| 53 | February 27, 1992 | I will not barf unless I'm sick (And during the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty) | Separate Vocations |
| 54 | March 12, 1992 | I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge | Dog of Death |
| 55 | March 26, 1992 | I will not conduct my own fire drills | Colonel Homer |
| 56 | April 9, 1992 | Funny noises are not funny | Black Widower |
| 57 | April 23, 1992 | I will not spin the turtle | The Otto Show |
| 58 | May 7, 1992 | I will not snap bras | Bart's Friend Falls in Love |
| 59 | August 27, 1992 | I will not fake seizures | Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 60 | September 24, 1992 | This punishment is not boring and pointless | Kamp Krusty |
| 61 | October 01, 1992 | My name is not "Dr. Death" | A Streetcar Named Marge |
| 62 | October 08, 1992 | I will not defame New Orleans (This was due to complaints regarding the previous episode's song about New Orleans.) | Homer the Heretic |
| 63 | October 15, 1992 | I will not prescribe medication | Lisa the Beauty Queen |
| 64 | October 29, 1992 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror III |
| 65 | November 03, 1992 | I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge writes "I will try to raise a better child.") | Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie |
| 66 | November 05, 1992 | I will not teach others to fly | Marge Gets a Job |
| 67 | November 12, 1992 | I will not bring sheep to class | New Kid on the Block |
| 68 | November 19, 1992 | A burp is not an answer | Mr. Plow |
| 69 | December 03, 1992 | Teacher is not a leper | Lisa's First Word |
| 70 | December 17, 1992 | Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled.) | Homer's Triple Bypass |
| 71 | January 14, 1993 | I will not eat things for money | Marge vs. the Monorail |
| 72 | January 21, 1993 | I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call | Selma's Choice |
| 73 | February 04, 1993 | The principal's toupée is not a frisbee | Brother from the Same Planet |
| 74 | February 11, 1993 | I will not call the principal "spud head" | I Love Lisa |
| 75 | February 18, 1993 | Goldfish don't bounce | Duffless |
| 76 | March 11, 1993 | Mud is not one of the 4 food groups | Last Exit to Springfield |
| 77 | April 01, 1993 | No one is interested in my underpants | So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show |
| 78 | April 15, 1993 | I will not sell miracle cures | The Front |
| 79 | April 29, 1993 | I will return the seeing-eye dog | Whacking Day |
| 80 | May 06, 1993 | I do not have diplomatic immunity | Marge in Chains |
| 81 | May 13, 1993 | I will not charge admission to the bathroom | Krusty Gets Kancelled |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 82 | September 30, 1993 | I will never win an Emmy (Nine Emmy awards had been won by the show and cast by show's date) | Homer's Barbershop Quartet |
| 83 | October 07, 1993 | The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy | Cape Feare |
| 84 | October 14, 1993 | no gag | Homer Goes to College |
| 85 | October 21, 1993 | no gag | Rosebud |
| 86 | October 28, 1993 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror IV |
| 87 | November 04, 1993 | no gag | Marge on the Lam |
| 88 | November 11, 1993 | no gag | Bart's Inner Child |
| 89 | November 18, 1993 | no gag | Boy-Scoutz N the Hood |
| 90 | December 09, 1993 | All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy | The Last Temptation of Homer |
| 91 | December 16, 1993 | I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause (in the first part of the episode, people did applaud whenever someone mentioned Springfield) | $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) |
| 92 | January 06, 1994 | I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers | Homer the Vigilante |
| 93 | February 03, 1994 | My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man | Bart Gets Famous |
| 94 | February 10, 1994 | I will not go near the kindergarten turtle | Homer and Apu |
| 95 | February 17, 1994 | no gag | Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy |
| 96 | February 24, 1994 | no gag | Deep Space Homer |
| 97 | March 17, 1994 | I am not delightfully saucy | Homer Loves Flanders |
| 98 | March 31, 1994 | Organ transplants are best left to the professionals | Bart Gets an Elephant |
| 99 | April 14, 1994 | The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan" | Burns' Heir |
| 100 | April 28, 1994 | I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (100th episode) | Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song |
| 101 | May 05, 1994 | There are plenty of businesses like show business | The Boy Who Knew Too Much |
| 102 | May 12, 1994 | I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball | Lady Bouvier's Lover |
| 103 | May 19, 1994 | Five days is not too long to wait for a gun | Secrets of a Successful Marriage |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 104 | September 04, 1994 | Beans are neither a fruit nor musical (This takes us back to "Whacking Day") | Bart of Darkness |
| 105 | September 11, 1994 | No one is interested in my underpants | Lisa's Rival |
| 106 | September 25, 1994 | I will not use abbrev. | Another Simpsons Clip Show |
| 107 | October 02, 1994 | I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. | Itchy & Scratchy Land |
| 108 | October 09, 1994 | no gag | Sideshow Bob Roberts |
| 109 | October 30, 1994 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror V |
| 110 | November 06, 1994 | I will not send lard through the mail | Bart's Girlfriend |
| 111 | November 13, 1994 | I will not dissect things unless instructed | Lisa on Ice |
| 112 | November 27, 1994 | I will not whittle hall passes out of soap | Homer Badman |
| 113 | December 04, 1994 | My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man (this is from 1F11) | Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy |
| 114 | December 18, 1994 | Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough | Fear of Flying |
| 115 | January 08, 1995 | Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal | Homer the Great |
| 116 | January 22, 1995 | 'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice | And Maggie Makes Three |
| 117 | February 05, 1995 | Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does | Bart's Comet |
| 118 | February 12, 1995 | Next time it could be me on the scaffolding | Homie the Clown |
| 119 | February 19, 1995 | I will not hang donuts on my person | Bart vs. Australia |
| 120 | February 26, 1995 | I will remember to take my medication | Homer vs. Patty & Selma |
| 121 | March 05, 1995 | no gag | A Star Is Burns |
| 122 | March 19, 1995 | I will not strut around like I own the place | Lisa's Wedding |
| 123 | April 09, 1995 | The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far | Two Dozen and One Greyhounds |
| 124 | April 16, 1995 | I do not have power of attorney over first graders | The PTA Disbands |
| 125 | April 30, 1995 | Nerve gas is not a toy | 'Round Springfield |
| 126 | May 07, 1995 | I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface | The Springfield Connection |
| 127 | May 14, 1995 | The First Amendment does not cover burping | Lemon of Troy |
| 128 | May 21, 1995 | This is not a clue... or is it? (part 1 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?") | Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One) |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 129 | September 17, 1995 | I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (part 2 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?") | Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two) |
| 130 | September 24, 1995 | "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism | Radioactive Man |
| 131 | October 01, 1995 | No one wants to hear from my armpits | Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily |
| 132 | October 08, 1995 | I am not a lean mean spitting machine | Bart Sells His Soul |
| 133 | October 15, 1995 | The boys' room is not a water park | Lisa the Vegetarian |
| 134 | October 29, 1995 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror VI |
| 135 | November 05, 1995 | Indian burns are not our cultural heritage | King-Size Homer |
| 136 | November 19, 1995 | no gag | Mother Simpson |
| 137 | November 26, 1995 | Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things | Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming |
| 138 | December 03, 1995 | I will only do this once a year ("The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular," a clip show) | The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular |
| 139 | December 17, 1995 | I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist | Marge Be Not Proud |
| 140 | January 07, 1996 | I am not certified to remove asbestos | Team Homer |
| 141 | January 14, 1996 | no gag | Two Bad Neighbors |
| 142 | February 04, 1996 | no gag | Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield |
| 143 | February 11, 1996 | no gag | Bart the Fink |
| 144 | February 18, 1996 | no gag | Lisa the Iconoclast |
| 145 | February 25, 1996 | no gag | Homer the Smithers |
| 146 | March 17, 1996 | no gag | The Day the Violence Died |
| 147 | March 24, 1996 | no gag | A Fish Called Selma |
| 148 | March 31, 1996 | no gag | Bart on the Road |
| 149 | April 14, 1996 | no gag | 22 Short Films About Springfield |
| 150 | April 28, 1996 | no gag | Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish" |
| 151 | May 05, 1996 | no gag | Much Apu About Nothing |
| 152 | May 19, 1996 | no gag | Homerpalooza |
| 153 | May 19, 1996 | no gag | Summer of 4 Ft. 2 |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 154 | October 27, 1996 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror VII |
| 155 | November 03, 1996 | I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten | You Only Move Twice |
| 156 | November 10, 1996 | I am not my long-lost twin | The Homer They Fall |
| 157 | November 17, 1996 | no gag | Burns, Baby Burns |
| 158 | November 24, 1996 | no gag | Bart After Dark |
| 159 | December 01, 1996 | no gag | A Milhouse Divided |
| 160 | December 15, 1996 | no gag (But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss.") | Lisa's Date with Density |
| 161 | December 29, 1996 | no gag | Hurricane Neddy |
| 162 | January 05, 1997 | no gag | El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer) |
| 163 | January 12, 1997 | The truth is not out there ("The Springfield Files," an X-Files parody episode) | The Springfield Files |
| 164 | January 19, 1997 | I am not licensed to do anything (referencing a James Bond movie) | The Twisted World of Marge Simpson |
| 165 | February 02, 1997 | no gag | Mountain of Madness |
| 166 | February 07, 1997 | I will not hide the teacher's Prozac | Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious |
| 167 | February 09, 1997 | no gag | The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show |
| 168 | February 16, 1997 | no gag | Homer's Phobia |
| 169 | February 23, 1997 | no gag | Brother from Another Series |
| 170 | March 02, 1997 | no gag | My Sister, My Sitter |
| 171 | March 16, 1997 | no gag | Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment |
| 172 | April 06, 1997 | no gag | Grade School Confidential |
| 173 | April 13, 1997 | A fire drill does not demand a fire | The Canine Mutiny |
| 174 | April 20, 1997 | no gag | The Old Man and the Lisa |
| 175 | April 27, 1997 | no gag | In Marge We Trust |
| 176 | May 04, 1997 | no gag | Homer's Enemy |
| 177 | May 11, 1997 | no gag | The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase |
| 178 | May 18, 1997 | no gag | The Secret War of Lisa Simpson |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 179 | September 21, 1997 | no gag | The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson |
| 180 | September 28, 1997 | no gag | The Principal and the Pauper |
| 181 | October 19, 1997 | I no longer want my MTV (reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing, and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming) | Lisa's Sax |
| 182 | October 26, 1997 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror VIII |
| 183 | November 02, 1997 | Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story | The Cartridge Family |
| 184 | November 09, 1997 | I did not invent Irish dancing | Bart Star |
| 185 | November 16, 1997 | no gag | The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons |
| 186 | November 23, 1997 | I will not tease Fatty | Lisa the Skeptic |
| 187 | December 07, 1997 | There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" | Realty Bites |
| 188 | December 21, 1997 | Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related | Miracle on Evergreen Terrace |
| 189 | January 04, 1998 | no gag | All Singing, All Dancing |
| 190 | January 11, 1998 | no gag | Bart Carny |
| 191 | February 08, 1998 | Shooting paintballs is not an art form | The Joy of Sect |
| 192 | February 15, 1998 | no gag | Das Bus |
| 193 | February 22, 1998 | Pain is not the cleanser (Surprisingly, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his moustache in the episode Home Away from Homer.) | The Last Temptation of Krust |
| 194 | March 01, 1998 | Silly string is not a nasal spray | Dumbbell Indemnity |
| 195 | March 08, 1998 | no gag | Lisa the Simpson |
| 196 | March 22, 1998 | I was told not to do this | This Little Wiggy |
| 197 | March 29, 1998 | My butt does not deserve a website (a possible reference to the popular internet joke Goatse.cx) | Simpson Tide |
| 198 | April 05, 1998 | I will not demand what I'm worth (This is a reference to the voice cast's recent demands for higher pay.) | The Trouble With Trillions |
| 199 | April 19, 1998 | no gag | Girly Edition |
| 200 | April 26, 1998 | I will not mess with the opening credits (This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board.) | Trash of the Titans |
| 201 | May 03, 1998 | no gag | King of the Hill |
| 202 | May 10, 1998 | I am not the new Dalai Lama | Lost Our Lisa |
| 203 | May 17, 1998 | I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" (This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld".) | Natural Born Kissers |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 204 | August 23, 1998 | no gag | Lard of the Dance |
| 205 | September 20, 1998 | I will not file frivolous lawsuits | The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace |
| 206 | September 27, 1998 | no gag | Bart the Mother |
| 207 | October 25, 1998 | The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.) | Treehouse of Horror IX |
| 208 | November 08, 1998 | "butt.com" is not my E-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website - a porn site. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however.) | When You Dish upon a Star |
| 209 | November 15, 1998 | No one cares what my definition of "is" is | D'oh-in in the Wind |
| 210 | November 22, 1998 | I will not scream for ice cream | Lisa Gets an "A" |
| 211 | December 06, 1998 | I am not a licensed hairstylist | Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble" |
| 212 | December 20, 1998 | "The President did it" is not an excuse (This aired a day after Bill Clinton was impeached) | Mayored to the Mob |
| 213 | January 10, 1999 | My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld | Viva Ned Flanders |
| 214 | January 17, 1999 | Sherri does not "got back" | Wild Barts Can't Be Broken |
| 215 | January 31, 1999 | I will not do "the dirty bird" (This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played.) | Sunday, Cruddy Sunday |
| 216 | February 07, 1999 | No one cares about my sciatica | Homer to the Max |
| 217 | February 14, 1999 | Hillbillies are people too | I'm with Cupid |
| 218 | February 21, 1999 | Grammar is not a time of waste | Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers" |
| 219 | February 28, 1999 | I do not have diplomatic immunity (Taken from 9F20) | Make Room for Lisa |
| 220 | March 28, 1999 | It does not suck to be you (A reference to a Prozzäk song) | Maximum Homerdrive |
| 221 | April 04, 1999 | I cannot absolve sins (And during Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface using hieroglyphics where possible) | Simpsons Bible Stories |
| 222 | April 11, 1999 | A trained ape could not teach gym | Mom and Pop Art |
| 223 | April 25, 1999 | Loose teeth don't need my help | The Old Man and the "C" Student |
| 224 | May 02, 1999 | I have neither been there nor done that | Monty Can't Buy Me Love |
| 225 | May 09, 1999 | No one wants to hear from my armpits (This is from 3F01) | They Saved Lisa's Brain |
| 226 | May 16, 1999 | I'm so very tired (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons.) | Thirty Minutes over Tokyo |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 227 | September 26, 1999 | Fridays are not "pants optional" (In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be Pants off Friday.) | Beyond Blunderdome |
| 228 | October 03, 1999 | Pork is not a verb (the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with") | Brother's Little Helper |
| 229 | October 24, 1999 | I am not the last Don (Possibly a reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, voice of recurring Simpsons character Fat Tony) | Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? |
| 230 | October 31, 1999 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror X |
| 231 | November 07, 1999 | I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize | E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt) |
| 232 | November 14, 1999 | I won't not use no double negatives (since three negatives are used, the sentence is true) | Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder |
| 233 | November 21, 1999 | Indian burns are not our cultural heritage (This is from 3F05) | Eight Misbehavin' |
| 234 | November 28, 1999 | I can't see dead people (This is a reference to The Sixth Sense) | Take My Wife, Sleaze |
| 235 | December 19, 1999 | I will not sell my kidney on eBay (this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs) | Grift of the Magi |
| 236 | January 9, 2000 | I will not create art from dung | Little Big Mom |
| 237 | January 16, 2000 | I will stop phoning it in | Faith Off |
| 238 | January 23, 2000 | Class clown is not a paid position | The Mansion Family |
| 239 | February 06, 2000 | Substitute teachers are not scabs | Saddlesore Galactica |
| 240 | February 13, 2000 | My suspension was not mutual | Alone Again, Natura-Diddily |
| 241 | February 20, 2000 | A belch is not an oral report | Missionary: Impossible |
| 242 | February 27, 2000 | Dodgeball stops at the gym door | Pygmoelian |
| 243 | March 19, 2000 | Non-flammable is not a challenge | Bart to the Future |
| 244 | April 09, 2000 | I was not touched "there" by an angel | Days of Wine and D'oh'ses |
| 245 | April 30, 2000 | I am not here on a fartball scholarship | Kill the Alligator and Run |
| 246 | May 07, 2000 | I will not dance on anyone's grave | Last Tap Dance in Springfield |
| 247 | May 14, 2000 | I cannot hire a substitute student | It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge |
| 248 | May 21, 2000 | "I will not obey the voices in my head" | Behind the Laughter |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 249 | November 01, 2000 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XI |
| 250 | November 05, 2000 | I will not plant subliminal messagores (aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election) | A Tale of Two Springfields |
| 251 | November 12, 2000 | I will not surprise the incontinent | Insane Clown Poppy |
| 252 | November 19, 2000 | I am not the acting president (aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election) | Lisa the Tree Hugger |
| 253 | November 26, 2000 | I was not the sixth Beatle | Homer vs. Dignity |
| 254 | December 03, 2000 | I will only provide a urine sample when asked | The Computer Wore Menace Shoes |
| 255 | December 10, 2000 | The nurse is not dealing | The Great Money Caper |
| 256 | December 17, 2000 | Science class should not end in tragedy (During the episode, Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus") | Skinner's Sense of Snow |
| 257 | January 07, 2001 | Network TV is not dead | HOMR |
| 258 | January 14, 2001 | I will not "let the dogs out" (reference a song made popular by the Baha Men) | Pokey Mom |
| 259 | February 04, 2001 | I will not hide the teacher's medication | Worst Episode Ever |
| 260 | February 11, 2001 | I will not publish the principal's credit report | Tennis the Menace |
| 261 | February 18, 2001 | The hamster did not have a "full life" | Day of the Jackanapes |
| 262 | February 25, 2001 | I will not buy a presidential pardon (This refers to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office.) | New Kids on the Blecch |
| 263 | March 04, 2001 | "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap | Hungry, Hungry Homer |
| 264 | March 11, 2001 | I will not scare the vice president (a reference to VP Cheney's heart condition) | Bye Bye Nerdie |
| 265 | April 01, 2001 | I will not flush evidence | Simpson Safari |
| 266 | April 29, 2001 | Fire is not the cleanser | Trilogy of Error |
| 267 | May 06, 2001 | Genetics is not an excuse | I'm Goin' to Praiseland |
| 268 | May 13, 2001 | Today is not Mothra's Day (This episode aired on Mother's Day.) | Children of a Lesser Clod |
| 269 | May 20, 2001 | I should not be twenty-one by now (Referring to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years.) | Simpsons Tall Tales |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 270 | November 06, 2001 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XII |
| 271 | November 11, 2001 | Nobody reads these anymore | The Parent Rap |
| 272 | November 18, 2001 | A burp in a jar is not a science project | Homer the Moe |
| 273 | December 02, 2001 | Fun does not have a size | A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love |
| 274 | December 09, 2001 | I am not Charlie Brown on acid (reference to how critics described "South Park") | The Blunder Years |
| 275 | December 16, 2001 | I do not have a cereal named after me (In fact, he did: "Bart Simpson Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch". In the UK they released "Bart Simpson's No Problem-os) | She of Little Faith |
| 276 | January 06, 2002 | no gag | Brawl in the Family |
| 277 | January 20, 2002 | no gag | Sweets and Sour Marge |
| 278 | January 27, 2002 | no gag | Jaws Wired Shut |
| 279 | February 10, 2002 | I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers (A reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled.) | Half-Decent Proposal |
| 280 | February 17, 2002 | The Giving Tree is not a chump | The Bart Wants What It Wants |
| 281 | February 24, 2002 | Making Milhouse cry is not a science project | The Lastest Gun in the West |
| 282 | March 10, 2002 | no gag | The Old Man and the Key |
| 283 | March 17, 2002 | Vampire is not a career choice | Tales from the Public Domain |
| 284 | March 31, 2002 | no gag | Blame It on Lisa |
| 285 | April 07, 2002 | no gag | Weekend at Burnsie's |
| 286 | April 21, 2002 | no gag | Gump Roast |
| 287 | April 28, 2002 | no gag | I Am Furious Yellow |
| 288 | May 05, 2002 | I will never lie about being cancelled again (a reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season) | The Sweetest Apu |
| 289 | May 12, 2002 | no gag | Little Girl in the Big Ten |
| 290 | May 19, 2002 | no gag | The Frying Game |
| 291 | May 22, 2002 | no gag | Papa's Got a Brand New Badge |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 292 | November 03, 2002 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XIII |
| 293 | November 10, 2002 | no gag | How I Spent My Strummer Vacation |
| 294 | November 17, 2002 | Fish do not like coffee | Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade |
| 295 | November 24, 2002 | no gag | Large Marge |
| 296 | December 01, 2002 | Milhouse did not test cootie positive | Helter Shelter |
| 297 | December 15, 2002 | no gag | The Great Louse Detective |
| 298 | January 05, 2003 | no gag | Special Edna |
| 299 | January 12, 2003 | no gag | The Dad Who Knew Too Little |
| 300 | February 02, 2003 | This school does not need a "regime change" (reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq) | Strong Arms of the Ma |
| 301 | February 09, 2003 | SpongeBob is not a contraceptive | Pray Anything |
| 302 | February 16, 2003 | I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe.) | Barting Over |
| 303 | February 16, 2003 | no gag | I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can |
| 304 | March 02, 2003 | no gag | A Star Is Born-Again |
| 305 | March 09, 2003 | no gag | Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington |
| 306 | March 16, 2003 | no gag | C.E. D'oh |
| 307 | March 30, 2003 | no gag | 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky |
| 308 | April 13, 2003 | no gag | Three Gays of the Condo |
| 309 | April 27, 2003 | no gag | Dude, Where's My Ranch? |
| 310 | May 04, 2003 | My pen is not a booger launcher | Old Yeller Belly |
| 311 | May 11, 2003 | no gag | Brake My Wife, Please |
| 312 | May 18, 2003 | Sandwiches should not contain sand | Bart of War |
| 313 | May 18, 2003 | no gag | Moe Baby Blues |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 314 | November 02, 2003 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XIV |
| 315 | November 09, 2003 | no gag | My Mother the Carjacker |
| 316 | November 16, 2003 | no gag | The President Wore Pearls |
| 317 | November 23, 2003 | no gag | The Regina Monologues |
| 318 | November 30, 2003 | no gag | The Fat and the Furriest |
| 319 | December 07, 2003 | Over forty & single is not funny | Today I Am a Clown |
| 320 | December 14, 2003 | no gag | 'Tis the Fifteenth Season |
| 321 | January 04, 2004 | no gag | Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays |
| 322 | January 11, 2004 | no gag | I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot |
| 323 | January 25, 2004 | no gag | Diatribe of a Mad Housewife |
| 324 | February 08, 2004 | no gag | Margical History Tour |
| 325 | February 15, 2004 | no gag | Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore |
| 326 | February 22, 2004 | no gag | Smart and Smarter |
| 327 | March 14, 2004 | I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be | The Ziff Who Came to Dinner |
| 328 | March 21, 2004 | no gag | Co-Dependent's Day |
| 329 | March 28, 2004 | no gag | The Wandering Juvie |
| 330 | April 18, 2004 | no gag | My Big Fat Geek Wedding |
| 331 | April 25, 2004 | no gag | Catch 'Em if You Can |
| 332 | May 02, 2004 | no gag | Simple Simpson |
| 333 | May 09, 2004 | no gag | The Way We Weren't |
| 334 | May 16, 2004 | no gag | Bart-Mangled Banner |
| 335 | May 23, 2004 | no gag | Fraudcast News |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 336 | November 07, 2004 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XV |
| 337 | November 14, 2004 | no gag | All's Fair in Oven War |
| 338 | November 21, 2004 | no gag | Sleeping with the Enemy |
| 339 | December 05, 2004 | Poking a dead raccoon is not research | She Used to Be My Girl |
| 340 | December 12, 2004 | no gag | Fat Man and Little Boy |
| 341 | January 16, 2005 | no gag | Midnight Rx |
| 342 | January 30, 2005 | no gag | Mommie Beerest |
| 343 | February 06, 2005 | no gag | Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass |
| 344 | February 13, 2005 | no gag | Pranksta Rap |
| 345 | February 20, 2005 | no gag | There's Something About Marrying |
| 346 | March 06, 2005 | Beer in a milk carton is not milk | On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister |
| 347 | March 13, 2005 | no gag | Goo Goo Gai Pan |
| 348 | March 20, 2005 | no gag | Mobile Homer |
| 349 | April 03, 2005 | no gag | The Seven-Beer Snitch |
| 350 | April 17, 2005 | no gag | Future-Drama |
| 351 | May 01, 2005 | no gag | Don't Fear the Roofer |
| 352 | May 01, 2005 | no gag | The Heartbroke Kid |
| 353 | May 08, 2005 | no gag | A Star Is Torn |
| 354 | May 08, 2005 | no gag | Thank God It's Doomsday |
| 355 | May 15, 2005 | A booger is not a bookmark | Home Away from Homer |
| 356 | May 15, 2005 | no gag | The Father, The Son & The Holy Guest Star |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 357 | September 11, 2005 | Does any kid still do this anymore? (refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag, as well as the real-life punishment) | Bonfire of the Manatees |
| 358 | September 18, 2005 | no gag | The Girl Who Slept Too Little |
| 359 | September 25, 2005 | no gag | Milhouse of Sand and Fog |
| 360 | November 06, 2005 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XVI |
| 361 | November 13, 2005 | no gag | Marge's Son Poisoning |
| 362 | November 20, 2005 | no gag | See Homer Run |
| 363 | November 27, 2005 | no gag | The Last of the Red Hat Mamas |
| 364 | December 11, 2005 | no gag | The Italian Bob |
| 365 | December 18, 2005 | no gag | Simpsons Christmas Stories |
| 366 | January 08, 2006 | I am not smarter than the President | Homer's Paternity Coot |
| 367 | January 29, 2006 | Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual | We're on the Road to D'ohwhere |
| 368 | February 26, 2006 | no gag | My Fair Laddy |
| 369 | March 12, 2006 | no gag | The Seemingly Never-Ending Story |
| 370 | March 19, 2006 | no gag | Bart Has Two Mommies |
| 371 | March 26, 2006 | I will not laminate dog doo (The first airing of this episode included a special live action opening with 'I will not eat things for money' as the gag.) | Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife |
| 372 | April 02, 2006 | I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.) | Million Dollar Abie |
| 373 | April 09, 2006 | no gag | Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore |
| 374 | April 23, 2006 | no gag | The Wettest Stories Ever Told |
| 375 | April 30, 2006 | no gag | Girls Just Want to Have Sums |
| 376 | May 07, 2006 | I will not leak the plot of the movie | Regarding Margie |
| 377 | May 14, 2006 | Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French.") | The Monkey Suit |
| 378 | May 21, 2006 | Have a great summer, everyone (last episode of the season) | Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 379 | September 10, 2006 | no gag | "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer" |
| 380 | September 17, 2006 | no gag | "Jazzy and the Pussycats" |
| 381 | September 24, 2006 | no gag (But during the episode, Skinner writes "A baby beat me up" when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy) | "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em" |
| 382 | November 5, 2006 | no gag | "Treehouse of Horror XVII" |
| 383 | November 12, 2006 | We are not all naked under our clothes | "G.I. D'oh" |
| 384 | November 19, 2006 | no gag | "Moe'N'a Lisa" |
| 385 | November 26, 2006 | no gag | "Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)" |
| 386 | December 10, 2006 | no gag | "The Haw-Hawed Couple" |
| 387 | December 17, 2006 | Frankincense is not a monster | "Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2" |
| 388 | January 7, 2007 | no gag | "The Wife Aquatic" |
| 389 | January 28, 2007 | no gag | "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times" |
| 390 | February 11, 2007 | no gag (But during the episode, Bart writes "So long suckers") | "Little Big Girl" |
| 391 | February 18, 2007 | no gag | "Springfield Up" |
| 392 | March 4, 2007 | no gag | "Yokel Chords" |
| 393 | March 11, 2007 | no gag | "Rome-old and Juli-eh" |
| 394 | March 25, 2007 | Global Warming did not eat my homework | "Homerazzi" |
| 395 | April 22, 2007 | no gag | "Marge Gamer" |
| 396 | April 29, 2007 | no gag | "The Boys of Bummer" |
| 397 | May 6, 2007 | I will not look up how much teacher makes | "Crook and Ladder" |
| 398 | May 13, 2007 | Pearls are not oyster barf | "Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot" |
| 399 | May 20, 2007 | no gag (special 24-style opening) | "24 Minutes" |
| 400 | May 20, 2007 | no gag (normal opening sequence replaced with a black screen that says "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show Simpsons short "Family Portrait") | "You Kent Always Say What You Want" |
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
| 401 | September 23, 2007 | I will not wait 20 years to make another movie | "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs" |
| 402 | September 30, 2007 | The Wall Street Journal is better than ever (reference to the paper's takeover by Fox owner Rupert Murdoch) | "The Homer of Seville" |
| 403 | October 7, 2007 | no gag | "Midnight Towboy" |
| 404 | October 14, 2007 | I am not a FDIC-insured bank. | "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" |
| 405 | November 4, 2007 | no gag | "Treehouse of Horror XVIII" |
| 406 | November 11, 2007 | There is no such thing as an iPoddy | "Little Orphan Millie" |
| 407 | November 18, 2007 | The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens | "Husbands and Knives" |
| 408 | November 25, 2007 | no gag | "Funeral for a Fiend" |
| 409 | December 16, 2007 | The capital of Montana is not "Hannah" | "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind" |
| 410 | January 6, 2008 | Teacher did not pay too much for her condo | "E Pluribus Wiggum" |
| 411 | January 27, 2008 | no gag | "That 90's Show" |
| 412 | February 17, 2008 | no gag | "Love, Springfieldian Style" |
| 413 | March 2, 2008 | The art teacher is fat, not pregnant | "The Debarted" |
| 414 | March 9, 2008 | no gag | "Dial 'N' for Nerder" |
| 415 | March 30, 2008 | no gag | "Smoke on the Daughter" |
| 416 | April 13, 2008 | no gag | "Papa Don't Leech" |
| 417 | April 27, 2008 | A person's a person, no matter how Ralph | "Apocalypse Cow" |
| 418 | May 4, 2008 | no gag | "Any Given Sundance" |
| 419 | May 11, 2008 | This punishment is not medieval (written in medieval-style lettering) | "Mona Leaves-a" |
The Simpsons Movie
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